porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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