i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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