I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
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He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
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My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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