Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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