Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
