Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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