OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize