I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
