I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
