pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
