He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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