What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
