Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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