She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
