What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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