i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
