i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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