Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
