I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
