Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
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He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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