at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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