I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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