I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
