My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
