at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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