So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
