Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
