Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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