i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
