This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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