foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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