and you said cock pushups were impossible
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
