You can't motorboat a personality
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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