Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
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First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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