I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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