I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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