Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My vagina is officially offended.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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