go do what you do best...puke behind churches
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
