She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
