stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
