Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
