Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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