history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
