she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize