WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was confusing and full of hummus
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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