im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So apparently I’m into choking now
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