I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
