his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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