You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
