if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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