Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You need a sexual gate keeper
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
