ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
