New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
