how can u be prego again
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
