just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
