I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
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Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
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I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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