and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
