so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
